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The Dawn of New Pandora/Transcript
Intro Marcus: "Hello, old friend. Been a while, hasn't it?" ::"I bet you're wondering what became of our Vault Hunters." ::"Let me tell you a story." ::"After the death of Handsome Jack and the fall of Hyperion," ::"Pandora was at peace -- as much as it ever was." ::"Their mission complete, the Crimson Raiders set their sights beyond the stars." ::"You remember the Vault Key, right? It had that map with all the crazy floating holograms?" ::"The Vault Hunters believed it would take them to Vaults across the galaxy." ::"Of course, sometimes, when you're busy looking forward, you forget to watch your back..." :(Inside the Crimson Raiders HQ) Tannis: "I do not understand why we haven't left Pandora yet."'' Tannis: "We are nowhere closer to finding the Vaults!" Tannis: "This map is the most important scientific discovery in all of human history," Tannis: "and Mordecai is using it as a coaster!" Mordecai: "Does that matter? We don't even know which planets these are yet." Mordecai: "I don't like flyin' blind." Ellie: "Sanctuary's holdin' together using spit and wishful thinkin'." Ellie: "She's barely stayin' in the air, let alone leavin' the planet." Mordecai: "Well, we gotta do somethin'. People are talking about disbanding the Raiders," Mordecai: "sayin' Pandora don't need us now that Jack's gone." Mordecai: "We need a leader." Ellie: "She don't want the job, man. And can you blame her?" Ellie: "Sometimes when you're the one calling the shots, people get hurt." Mordecai: "Not makin' a choice is still a choice." Tannis: "So, then: we have no plan, no working ship, no leader, and A SODA CAN ON THE VAULT KEY!" Ellie: "Lil. We need to make a call. What do you think?" :(Explosions rock the HQ) Lilith: "Ellie?!" Ellie: "That ain't the engines, Lil!" Lilith: "This is Lilith. Sanctuary is under attack." Lilith: "All civilians, evacuate the city immediately!" Lilith: "Crimson Raiders, to me!" :(Fight with the attackers ensues) Lilith: "We're under attack! You know what to do, Vault Hunter." Lilith: "Take 'em down, Vault Hunter." Lilith: "This is OUR home! Push 'em out!" Lilith: "Hold them off, Vault Hunter." Lilith: "Who the hell are these guys?!" Lilith: "Crimson Raiders, defend our home!" Lilith: "Keep it up, Vault Hunter!" Lilith: "Show 'em what we're made of!" Mordecai: "Got 'em in my sights!" Mordecai: "Bring it on, you bastards!" Mordecai: "One down! Like, a lot more to go!" Mordecai: "I'm thirsty for blood! And soda!" Mordecai: "They just keep comin'!" Mordecai: "No me chingas, cabrones!" Mordecai: "Ha! Hell yeah!" :(Defenders are being over-run) Lilith: "Damn, they're after the Vault Key." Mordecai: "Lilith! There's too many of these pendejos!" Lilith: "This is Lilith! All Crimson Raiders, fall back to HQ!" Ellie: "Just tell me where to point this sumbitch!" Lilith: "C'mon!" :(Colonel Hector enters the HQ) Colonel Hector: "Time to change the world." Colonel Hector: "Whose soda is this?" Mission Lilith: "You alright, killer? I got as many people off Sanctuary as I could, but it was kind of a rush job. Looks like I scattered the Crimson Raiders around the area."" Lilith: "Those weren't bandits that attacked us. They were trained soldiers. And that gas -- it turned people into monsters."" Lilith: "Find us a base camp while I look around for the others. We'll rally the troops and take back Sanctuary." :(Advancing towards the camp)'' Colonel Hector: "At ease, cowards. This is Colonel Hector of the New Pandora army. You can stop running now. I already got what I wanted. Sanctuary and the Vault Key are mine once again."" Colonel Hector: "(laughs into coughing) Honestly, I was hopin' for more of a fight. I mean, y'all got completely outmaneuvered. What happened to you Crimson Raiders? Seems without your man Roland, y'all turned into a pack of baby rakks with yer tailbarbs tucked between your talons!"" Colonel Hector: "(clears throat) So here's what happens now. You've seen what my Paradise Gas did to your people. Next up? All of Pandora. Sure, it'll kill everyone on the planet, but every garden needs its fertilizer."" Lilith: "Well, he's a dickhead. (sigh) But he's right. Roland never would have let this happen."" :(Approaching the Abandoned Camp) Colonel Hector: "Y'know, back in the day, Sanctuary was the pride of Dahl's mining fleet. Seems to have fallen into disrepair. I hope you don't mind, but I've already made some upgrades. Here, I'll say it for ya: incoming."" Vaughn: "Back off, you viney bastards! This is my kingdom! Squatter's rights... bro!"" Vaughn: "Those vine-freaks are back! Okay, okay, who's saving me?! Roll call! Anyone who's not gargling vine currently, scream bloody murder!"" :(Abandoned Camp cleared) Vaughn: "H-Hello? Anyone?"" Vaughn: "Murderbear Doug?"" Vaughn: "Wrench-Biter?"" Vaughn: "Flower Princess?"" Vaughn: "Uncle Toenails?"" Vaughn: "Mickey the Spleen?"" Vaughn: "Rutiger?"" Vaughn: "Mama Pantstein?"" Vaughn: "Knees Magoo?"" Vaughn: "Fists 'n' Wrists?"" Vaughn: "Scratchy Scratch?"" Vaughn: "Lemondrop?"" Vaughn: "Oh, not you, too... you were the toughest one of all."" :(Clearing the main section) Vaughn: "What's that? I hear the sounds of bloodthirsty murder, and I love it! Whoever you are, mystery bandit, kill -- kill, KILL! -- those vine-freaks and turn that tide!"" Vaughn: "Hey, how's that tide comin'? Is it still turning? Heck yeah! Slice and dice those reaping creepers, my mysterious savior! Nice job."" Colonel Hector: "And now I'm sitting in some sort of clown-themed novelty bar enjoying week-old pizza and watered-down booze. Hell of a lifestyle, folks. But it made you soft."" Colonel Hector: "In my experience, an army rots from the top down. I led my people up from ruin, gave 'em somethin' to believe in. That's why they follow me."" Colonel Hector: "We are New Pandora. We're the men who split our backs on the promise of paradise. But it was stolen from us. Now we're takin' it back. Startin' with your ship, and your key."" Colonel Hector: "Now, Paradise is a'comin'. And if I have to choke the life outta every last person on this planet to get there, then that's what I'm gonna do."" :(Vaughn comes out from hiding) Vaughn: "Oh crap! A Vault Hunter!"" Vaughn: "Oh, um..."" Vaughn: "Uh... kidding!"" Vaughn: "Easy, easy! Let's not get all shooty... at me... okay? Uh, my name is Vaughn. Now, I know we're supposed to be, like, mortal enemies or whatever, but... I don't know, ''the enemy of my plant-monster enemy, right? Sure! Hey, looks like Hector kicked you out of your home too, huh? Well, guess we better join forces!"" Vaughn: ''"Welcome to my camp... the Backburner!"" Vaughn: "Look, Hector's vine-freaks could be back at any moment. We'd better secure camp, Vault Hunter."" Vaughn: "The Backburner's firewall got knocked out. And I'm talkin' an actual wall of fire! We gotta reset the security relays to get that firewall A-FLAMIN'!"" :(Resetting the security relays) Vaughn: "You know, uh, I actually opened a Vault once. Went from Hyperion Accountant to Vault, uh, Guy to Bandit Warchief. It's a long but very touching story. Hey, I'll tell you about it some time over some questionably-sourced meat!"" Vaughn: "Me and my bandit clan were living over in the wreckage of Helios station, and Hector shows up and ordered us to give him our moonshot cannons, but we said, ''HELL NO, WE WON'T BRO! And then that, that didn't work out too well."" Vaughn: ''"We tried fighting off Hector's New Pandora soldiers, but we were no match for 'em. I probably should've armed my clan with more than presentation-grade Hyperion laser pointers. (chuckle) Lesson learned, I guess."" Vaughn: "Me and the survivors regrouped here. We were getting ready to retake Helios when Hector launched a gas attack and turned everyone but me into vine-freaks."" Vaughn: "Now that dude Hector is walkin' around like he's Mega-President-King of Pandora or whatever. Y'know, Pandora's like air, or meat, or underwear. It's meant to be shared!"" Vaughn: "Man, you reset relays like it's your day job! Which would be almost as bad as being a Hyperion accountant."" Vaughn: "Nice! Now you can reboot the last relay. We'll have that old firewall A-FLAMIN' in no time! And if any of my clan survived, they'll come running when they see a fire! They always do! It's hilarious."" :(Powering up the camp) Vaughn: "You did it! If Hector sends more vine-freaks, we'll be ready for 'em."" Vaughn: "Gah, it's one of those vine-freaks! Kill it, stab it, shoot it!"" Vaughn: "Sweet kill! Now, let's chat blood pact!"" End of mission Vaughn: "Well, I never thought I'd team up with a filthy smelly Vault Hunter like you, but desperate vine-freak-gas-turning-times call for desperate measures. Screw that home-thief Hector! You and I are gonna mess that dude up! Bloooooooood pact!" Category:Transcripts